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- Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.--Oscar Wilde
- Bad Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs..... --Anonymous
- Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. -- John Wilmot
- By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. -- Charles Wadsworth
- Children are all foreigners. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
- Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange. -- Robin Morgan
- Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb -
- Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. -- Jackie Mason
- Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! --Anonymous
- Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. -- Doug Larson
- Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. -- George Burns
- I asked my wife, Where do you want to go for our anniversary? She said, Somewhere I have never been! I told her, How about the kitchen? –Anonymous
- I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison
- I dote on his very absence. -- William Shakespeare
- I hate women because they always know where things are. -- James Thurber
- I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. -- Harry S Truman
- I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. -- Rodney Dangerfield
- I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. -- Robert Orben
- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back home, always.--Anonymous -
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in! --Anonymous
- If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. -- Dick Cavett
- Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it. -- Dan Quayle, 5/20/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
- I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that. -- Ellen DeGeneres, My Point and I Do Have One
- In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation. -- Roger Allen
- It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. -- Groucho Marx
- It was no wonder that people were so horrible when they started life as children. -- Kingsley Amis, One Fat Englishman (1963)
- Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. -- Robert Byrne
- Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. -- Lynda Barry
- Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. -- Robert Frost
- Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
- Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. -- Rabbi Julius Gordon
- Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood. -- Louise Beal
- Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl. -- Evan Esar, Esar's Comic Dictionary
- Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken
- Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. -- Scott Adams
- My marriage had its ups and downs like anyone's, but when it came down to it, I knew it was solid. I miss that sort of security, and that sort of connection with someone. -- John Scalzi, Old Man's War, 2005
- My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years. -- Cathy Ladman
- Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal
- Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. -- Bertrand Russell, Conquest of Happiness (1930) ch. 12
- People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children. -- Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
- People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. -- Leo J. Burke
- Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. -- William Feather
- She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? Following her down the street I yelled, No, jump in. --Anonymous
- The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. -- Dorothy Parker
- The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children. -- Clarence Darrow
- The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. -- Calvin Trillin
- There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. -- Friedrich Nietzsche, On Reading and Writing
- There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience. -- Anatole Broyard
- There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -- Doctor Who
- We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- We are the people our parents warned us about. -- Jimmy Buffett
- Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult. -- Charlotte Whitton, Canada Month, June 1963
- When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
- You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers. -- John J. Plomp
- Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. -- Rita Rudner
- Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. -- Woody Allen
- When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. -- Woody Allen
